📧 “solution?”
After more review, I wonder if quoting from a post-trip email (you to me) might soften the harsh glare you read into the book and make you more comfortable with the ending of chapter 10, i.e., the highlighted parts of your March 5, 2010 email below [redacted]. In the email you say that the upset emotions you expressed in Rutba were fleeting. By footnote or parenthetical I could include that postscript perspective and assure readers that you weren't damning the book or trip per se, but, in your words, "I simply wish the circumstances could have been better." Also, please keep in mind, that the audio journals, where you were most critical of the trip, were shared with people (church, close friends, relatives) who will be reading the book. They know that the trip for you was not all puppies and sunshine.
I really don't want contribute any stress or anxiety to your life; that was never my intent. Let me know if this solution would help you. All best.
@ 1337 to Barrett
more than anything, this substantiates the fact that nothing i am now saying is a departure from anything i have been saying for at least two years now. you knew well ahead of time that i would be a pandora's box if you chose to depict me, so i dont know why you waited as long as you did. why you chose to share this with me only once it was as deeply into the publication process as it is is something i may never understand. every person i came close to naming in my book was contacted before i even had my manuscript complete, giving them months to collaborate with me. you have no right to make me feel guilty for raising objections to your timing. i dont care what others have said, they are not me.
i will not continue to sacrifice my time and energy to have a sterile and unproductive email exchange. i am a verbal processor, so you can set up a conversation with robert if you want anything more than my straightforward feedback on your latest draft. i will not have a one-on-one phone conversation and risk being condescended and cursed out for having and maintaining my own personal experience of the trip. it is obvious you and i interacting is not constructive, and i do not maintain hope that that will change any time soon. expect to receive my feedback on this draft and nothing more, apart from the participation of your editor.
@ 1418 from Barrett, adding Ellsberg
Wow. I wash my hands. Send your suggestions along. ... Robert, see below.
@ 1446 to Barrett
you know it was pilate that washed his hands before Christ's passion, right? and that it was irony (pilate was still liable, even if he made a token gesture otherwise)?
i was responding to you personally because i figured you wouldnt want your dirty laundry aired (do you want him to know you called me a mother fucker and referred to me as "boy", and that that is why i will not have a one-on-one with you?). i dont want to be in the book, and i never did. i trust shane and cliff and weldon that my presence can be significant, but i refuse to be so incredibly oversimplified so as to be a strawman. certainly you cannot put in everything about me, but you absolutely could have qualified your depiction with nearly anything i said that was hopeful and reflective AFTER you talk about me on p202 (the metaphor of the rain from my final journals, the door/threshold, anything about wonder from our DC talk, the list could go on). this is your doing greg, you cant wash your hands of it, and you sure as heck dont get to point the finger at me as though i am the cause of your timing issues or any other issue. you've known where i stand for years, even before we went. i suggested i not go across the border and keep it simple and not open pandora's box, but you insisted i go and be a fly on the wall. if you didnt want my opinion and perspective, you should not have asked for it.
i will send my feedback ASAP to you and robert simultaneously. i strongly suggest that you not contact me privately.
